In Abstractum Infinitum
After releasing our passions around dawn, we would wander the ether. We shared concerns about world affairs. We visited the Israeli Border Guard, and blessed their resolve. In the aftermath of the Iraqi invasion, we encountered a man walking past a pile of rubble in Baghdad. Pick up a stone, lay it on top of another. Build a new future. One morning, we met over the freeway. The joy of our joining was contagious. We bridged everyone on the interchange.
In the quiet moments around midnight, the ether is clear. When we dreamed against each other at that hour, we worked our way closer together. These were technical exercises, things we made up as we were going along.
We formed a bubble of energy between us, and I lifted her into the air. She rolled me over and up.
We kissed, and I exhaled energy into her, pressing farther and farther with each breath, and she breathed it back into me as I inhaled. In and out, deeper and deeper each time.
We stood on the earth, then put one foot each atop the sun. We leapt into space, flying through the rings of Saturn. A visitor approached, a man seeking me for years. She scooted away. My curiosity was a fault. I stopped to inquire, and lost her. Tomorrow, she bids.
I have nightmares, too, when alone. A wolf threatened to devour me. Remember - none of this is real. I stood my ground, quelling my adrenaline rush. It barked at me, fangs flashing. I walked into it, and stopped in its stomach. "OK. How are you going to hurt me now, without hurting yourself?" It disappeared.
I wake, heart thrashing. I attempt to calm the beating, but it is irregular. What is this? I follow the disruption out the window, to my neighbor's house. But she's not responsible, there's a link on the other side. A circle, a shield. I scan its limits. No sense of an individual personality. In one of those rare occasions, I am furious. I want to know who is fucking with my heart. I blast on one side, then circle around to the other side and blast again. The circle holds.
I returned to my neighbor again. "Why are you cooperating with these people? They don't love you. Look how lonely you are. Be with me. I'll love you." The connection suddenly broke.
The next morning, my neighbor across the way was in the hospital with a massive stroke. Since his return, he has had a live-in attendant. One of them pointed out to me later that the mother of another died on the same night. Guilt is laid on me. Sorry, people: rules of war. You used human shields. But, months later, I sought out his wife, and tried to bridge him as he was in the past into that present.
I am dangerous. This is dangerous.
I picked up The Rope Master. It is a tale of simple values: loyalty, temperance, and acceptance of the cycle of life. I read it to Jewel at night.
She called me to her. She was at a hotel. I should come there.