There have been good things in my relationships, and some bad things. Now it's time to get down to the ugly.

I can laugh about it now. There were light-hearted moments. Aside from stealing away for a kiss, I'd find myself jostled from a nap in the early evening. I'd have the apprehension of her sitting at an elegant table, and I'd reach out and still the air around her. It is a form of Happy Chatter that puts people at the center of themselves, and I greatly enjoy the harmony of it.

I had discovered the Bodhi Tree bookstore in West Hollywood. One can find a lot of unusual books there, but I also discovered an unusually diverse collection of books on child psychology. Perhaps the most important book I found there was A General Theory of Love. One of the advantages of my peregrinations there was the chance to be in relatively close physical proximity to Jewel.

Unfortunately, the personal cost to me of a failure to establish a concrete relationship was growing insupportable. I was loath to compromise my engagement with Jewel, so my focus turned to discovery of a supportive community of men.