The Importance of Being...

If the low point of my engagement with Jewel occurred at New Years of 2005, the turning point came a year earlier, in December of 2003. I had come to understand the nature of the game deeply enough to stop being afraid for myself, and finally began to turn my attention to her..

Anyone who has even a shallow exposure to Jewel's personal history knows that it was troubled. At the time she contacted me, she was deeply distressed. Movies produced at the time show her as nothing more than skin and bones. She had already suffered two failed marriages, and despite her brave declarations following 9/11, she admitted to me that she wanted very much to understand how love worked.

While our engagement had made her more powerful, and so boosted her self-confidence. buried deep were the old uncertainties. Watching her movies, I came to appreciate just how much of herself she gave away to the leading man. It is her hallmark as an actress, and as a woman.

It is a fault of many women to give themselves in that way. Our society trains them to believe that they will find completion in a man. When a girl grows up without a strong male presence in her life, that training is tied to a deep personal need. A man finds the attachment suffocating.

Part of keeping Jewel functional as an actress was distributing her need for male support among her professional associates. As her peak years passed, she began to anticipate the loss of that network, and turned her thoughts with increasing frequency to motherhood. In the process, she began to find alternate means of expressing her regard for her male associates.

I am not going to assert that I was the most important person in Jewel's struggle with fear. I had a life apart from our engagement, and I know that her career, friendship and family filled many more hours than I did. However, the very insubstantiality of the attachment may have been its virtue. I was something she could strive for without risk of humiliating public failure.

Then again, the media is only one way of spreading news.